


Fishies

by SherlockHolmes



Category: The Almighty Johnsons
Genre: Abuse, Brotherly feels, Flashbacks, PTSD, a bit of Anders whump, couldn't help myself, kinkmeme fill, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-26
Updated: 2013-04-26
Packaged: 2017-12-09 14:29:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/775261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SherlockHolmes/pseuds/SherlockHolmes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fill for the prompt:<br/>According to Tumblr, there's a technique to deal with anxiety/PTSD that involves watching fish.</p>
<p>Anders has fish and loves them.</p>
<p>That's... it...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fishies

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Almighty Johnson's fic, so I hope I didn't muck it up too badly.

_“You put the boom-boom into my heart, you send my soul sky high when your lovin’ starts...”  
  
There was a hand buried in his hair, causing Anders to yell as he head was yanked painfully backwards._  
  
Anders gasped as the memory surfaced, triggered by the song blaring from somewhere outside the apartment. His throat constricted in panic as he spun, looking for the source of the music.  
  
 _“Jitterbug into my brain, goes a bang-bang-bang ‘til my feet do the same...”  
  
“You’re a worthless lump of shit, you know that?”_  
  
The memory was barely restrained, threatening to overtake him. He couldn’t see where the fuck that music was coming from. Panic choked him as he spun, knowing what the next best thing was.  
  
 _“But something's bugging you, something ain't right, my best friend told me what you did last night...”  
  
The hand released his hair, shoving him roughly down to his knees, spitting on him as he fought the urge to sob._  
  
Shaking his head to dislodge the memory, Anders staggered across the apartment to his fish tank. His wonderful, glorious fish tank, with his bright and colourful fish. When he’d first started having flashbacks, back when he’d first moved out of home, he’d discovered that the fish helped. Something about their colours and their movement helped calm his restless mind, grounding him in the present. With no little effort, he managed to sit himself in front of the tank.  
  
It was empty.  
  
Anders let out a horrified, choking gasp as he realised he hadn’t replaced the fish since Ty had killed them.   
  
 _“Left me sleepin' in my bed, I was dreaming, but I should have been with you instead...”  
  
A foot collided roughly with the expanse of back between his shoulder blades, hard enough to bruise as his forehead collided with the floor._  
  
“No, no, no!” Anders choked, hands tugging at his hair in an attempt to ground himself. He didn’t know how to cope, not without the fish. Not without the swimming colours and the life they provided. Without them, he couldn’t stay focused. Couldn’t force himself out of the waking nightmare.  
  
 _“Wake me up before you go-go, don't leave me hanging on like a yo-yo...”  
  
“Did you think you could take them away from me? My own children?”  
  
“They’re just out,” he growled softly, through the pain spreading through his back. “With friends.”  
  
His father let out a yell as he kicked him in the chest, forcing the air out of his lungs.  
  
“I didn’t say they could go! I never said they could fucking leave this house!”_  
  
On the floor of his apartment, Anders was rocking backwards and forwards, a small, keening whine escaping his lips as tears rolled down his face. Helplessness poured over him, drowning him in fear.  
  
 _“Wake me up before you go-go, I don't want to miss it when you hit that high...”  
  
Another blow landed on Anders, then another, then another. The fifteen year old curled in on himself, trying to protect his vital organs as the beating continued.  
  
“Tell me where my sons are!”  
  
“I don’t know,” Anders lied through gritted teeth. Mike was out with Rob at the pub, like he always was. Ty was at a movie with a friend, and Axl was with their cousin, Olaf. He wouldn’t tell their father that, though. Not with him in this mood. Another blow, and Anders curled up tighter on himself, biting back tears, determined not to let their old man get the better of him._  
  
 _“Wake me up before you go-go, take me dancing tonight...”_

* * *

The door to Anders’ apartment opened, but the man was too far gone to notice.

“Anders, what the hell are you doing? Dawn’s in a...”

Exactly what Dawn was in, Ty never said, as he rounded the corner and caught sight of his older brother curled into the fetal position in front of the fish tank, tears rolling down his cheeks as he whimpered. 

“Anders?” Ty whispered, crouching down next to his brother and gently grabbing his shoulder.

Instantly, Anders jerked away, scrambling until his back hit the wall, eyes wide with unseeing fear.

“Anders! Shit, Anders, wake up. Snap out of it.”

The older man was shaking, whimpers making their way out of his lips. The sound was something Ty would never have associated with Anders, a sound he never would’ve believed his brother could make if he wasn’t hearing it with his own ears. 

Someone next door switched the music off, but it was too late. Anders was well and truly ensnared in the memory that feasted on his mind, reveling in the way it was in control instead of festering deep in the back corner of his head.

“Fuck,” Ty swore, diving into his pocket for his phone. With shaking hands, he typed in Mike’s number, listening to the dial tone as he waited for his brother to pick up.

_“Hello?”_

“Mike, it’s Ty. Listen, I need your help. It’s Anders.”

On the other end of the phone, his brother let out a groan.  _“What’s he gotten himself into this time.”_

“I don’t know. Dawn called because he hadn’t turned up at work and wasn’t picking up his phone. I went to his apartment to go chew him out and found him having some sort of panic attack, and I don’t know how to snap him out of it.”

Mike let out a long suffering sigh.  _“I’ll be right over.”_

A few minutes later, the door to Anders apartment opened and Mike entered.

“This had better be fucking serious,” the oldest brother growled. “I have a project that I need to get done and I can’t be constantly running after you three.”

Ty silently nodded to where Anders was sitting, back flat against the wall, eyes closed and silently mouthing words as tears streamed down his face.

"Do you know what happened?"

Ty shook his head. "He was like that when I came in."

Carefully, Mike crouched in front of Anders, grabbing his shoulders and gently shaking him.

Anders’ eyes flew open in terror as he started hyperventilating, staring straight past Mike’s head at some unseen assailant, before his eyes rolled back into his head and he passed out from shock.

* * *

 

Anders slowly came to, feeling his mind slowly rising out of it’s foggy haze. 

“He’s waking up!”

The call cut through Anders, the volume of it making his head hurt. Groggily, he opened his eyes, taking in his surroundings.

He was laying on his bed, fully clothed. Ty was sitting on a chair next to it, watching him with almost creepy attentiveness.

“What are you doing in my room?” Anders asked, glaring at his brother as he struggled to sit up.

“Making sure you’re okay. You scared the shit out of me and Mike.”

Anders blinked at him. “Okay, I’m confused. What the fuck happened?”

Ty opened his mouth, then closed it again. “You... you don’t remember?”

Even as he shook his head, Anders felt the memories return in dribs and drabs. The next door neighbors blasting  _Wham!_  through their stereo. The panic as he found the fish tank empty. The terror and the flashback. As the door to his room opened again, he let out a quiet groan.

“What the hell just happened, Anders?” Mike demanded.

“Good morning to you too.”

“Anders,” Mike growled. It was, however, without the usual frustration or menace. Looking up into his brother’s eyes, Anders saw something unfamiliar. At least, when directed at him.

“Are you worried about me?” he asked, grinning. When his brother looked away, he knew he’d hit the nail on the head. He was about to make some comment to drive his point home when Ty cut in.

“Of course we’re worried about you. Christ, Anders, I came in here and saw you curled up in a ball, crying. I’ve never seen you cry before.”

Anders shrugged his shoulders. “I’m fine. It was nothing. Just a little flashback, that’s all. It’s your fault it happened, anyway.”

“Just a little flashback?” 

“How is this my fault?”

His brothers spoke in unison. Anders chose to ignore Mike.

“You killed my fish.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” Ty asked.

“They were my coping mechanism.”

“Anders, start from the beginning. What just happened?”

Anders groaned. “I told you. It was nothing. Anyway, don’t you two have work?”

Mike folded his arms, glaring at his younger brother. “We’re not going anywhere until you explain.”

A sigh escaped from Anders’ lips. He knew what his brother was like - he wanted answers, and when he said they were going nowhere, he meant it. Resigned to his fate, Anders let his head thunk against the wall behind him.

“Remember when I was fifteen and I got admitted into hospital?” he asked. Mike nodded.

“You and dad said you’d fallen out of a tree you’d climbed for a dare,” his older brother recalled. “What’s that got to do with this?”

Anders shook his head. “I didn’t fall out of a tree. You were all out, and dad was in one of his bad rages. He thought you’d all run away from home. The radio was blaring ‘Wake me up before you go go’ when he went mad and started beating me, demanding to know where you all were.”

Anders paused, rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands. He’d never told anyone this. Even as Bragi, he was finding it hard to pick the right words to describe what had happened.

“I thought he was going to kill you guys if he found you. Hell, I thought he was going to kill me. I was almost glad when I finally blacked out. Anyway, I unfortunately woke up in hospital, as you all know. And I was doing fine until I moved out. I started having flashbacks every time I heard ‘Wake me up before you go go’. A few months later I was at some chick’s house when I discovered that watching her fish helped, I dunno, ground me. Snap me out of it.”

The air in the room turned frigid as a look of guilt passed over Ty’s face.  
  
“And that’s why you always bugged Dawn about feeding them.”  
  
Anders shook his head, tutting. “What, did you think I was just being a dick for the sake of being a dick?”  
  
“Yea, pretty much,” Ty admitted.   
  
“I feel like I should be more offended than I am by that,” Anders admitted with a smile which Ty slowly returned.  
  
“Why didn’t you ever say anything?”  
  
The younger Johnsons were snapped out of their moment as Mike spoke up.  
  
“Honestly? I didn’t think you’d care.”  
  
“You’re my brother. Our brother. How could you think that?” Mike asked, aghast.  
  
“Do you seriously want me to answer that?”   
  
The eldest brother’s face fell as he looked at his brother. Even now, with Anders sitting and smiling in front of him, he couldn’t get the image of curled up, sobbing wreak he had walked in on. The younger brother seemed to notice the look, and his face softened slightly.  
  
“Look, Mike, you did a good job with Ty and Axl, yea? I was already a fuck up before mum left to become a tree.”  
  
“But how could you think I wouldn’t care, Anders?”  
  
“You’ve always had other stuff going on. Between galavanting around with Coma Rob to going out with Valerie to looking after Ty and Axl. Anyway, I coped fine on my own.”  
  
“That? That was not coping, Anders!” Mike practically yelled.  
  
“Yea, well, special circumstance. Ty killed my fish.”  
  
A growl of frustration grew in Mike’s throat. “What would you have done if Ty hadn’t found you, huh? If we hadn’t come?”  
  
“Same thing I’ve always done. Wait for it to pass, call Dawn and apologise, then go out and get completely smashed, possibly picking up a chick or two along the way.”  
  
“Anders,” Mike began to growl, before Ty put his hand gently on his older brother’s arm.  
  
“Leave him be, mate. He’s had a shit morning and you’re not making it any better.”  
  
Mike looked like he was going to protest, but Anders had slipped down from his sitting position, looking exhausted.  
  
“Okay. But we will talk about this later.”  
  
“I’m gonna go and get you some new fish,” Ty said, still obviously guilty for the part he had played in all this. “Call my mobile if you need me, yea?”  
  
Anders smiled, a rare, genuine, non-shit-eating smile. “Will do. Hey, call Dawn and apologise for me, will you? She’s less likely to eat you.”  
  
“Fine. But just this once, Anders.”  
  
The older brother nodded, before his eyes slid shut with exhaustion, falling into an uneasy sleep, filled with dreams of shouting, music, and fish.


End file.
